Sat Nam: Truth is My Name
“Never was there a time when I did not exist, nor you, nor any of these kings; nor in the future shall any of us cease to be. Bhagavad-gita 2.12
“Those who seek should not stop seeking until they find. When they find, they will be disturbed. When they are disturbed, they will marvel…” ~ Gospel of Thomas
I’ve been lying.
Not like lying-lying but ‘avoiding telling the whole story while sharing just a little nugget to assuage the internal guilt’ lying. The kind of lying where we avoid truths that will rock our own boat, never mind the rest of the world’s boat. I’ve decided that it’s time to rock both mine and the world’s. Right here and now. In fact, I’ve done it before in a passive way thirteen months ago. While feeling like I’m going to puke that last cuppa all over my laptop (last November and right now.)
I’ve tried to explain how I experience the world, how I express the universe in my own unique way, and how this has come to be. I’ve talked about the integrative experiences, the clarity with which I receive messages, the callings for which there is no vision, and on occasion have opened myself up by verbally sharing with people who’ve not read a thing I wrote.
I’ve practiced patience (a lot) through this. I’ve lost my family for this. Lost what I thought was my life for this. Wanted to end my life because of this. Found myself for this. Made myself homeless for this. Searched for home for this. My strength is in this. My sanity and sanctity are in this thisness. I’ve b een invisible in this and afraid to be this fully. The time is now. For me to be fully for you.
Some of you may have kept up with my Traveling Lightly tour across America and know that I’ve recently arrived in Sonoma, California. I’ve been here a whole whoppin’ week now. And within a day of being here, I was pushed in a way that I’ve not been yet in this life-thing of mine. When someone was introducing me to another someone interjected something along the lines of “she’s like this beautiful naive thing with this amazing gift but…”. What she was trying to do was offer an explanation for why I didn’t have the words to give to the other someone who was on a fact-finding mission. She wanted to know “Well, what kind of healing?” So, I was searching for a way to give a few words to a stranger in the the way that she might ‘get it’. And, they weren’t there. Because they’re not enough.
Because they don’t even begin to touch the truth of what I do, the possibilities of what I can do and be, and what I am now .
The truth of the matter is that on October 13, 2011, almost three years ago exactly, the energies of Babaji, Sai Baba, and Paramahansa Yogananda integrated into me. I am them. They are me. I am not their personalities, have never been their disciple, and do not share all of their philosophies.
On February 7, 2012, the energies of those many know as Jesus Christ and hundreds of others merged into me. And I am them. They are me. I am not their personalities, have never been their disciple, and do not share all of their philosophies.
They all are poets, healers, farmers, fathers, warriors, sages, scholars, huntsmen, creators & definers of their own ages & eras–known in there time as someone else; they are even still now known by others, but most as anonymous to me now as they were then. For some there was historical reference, for others mythological. I knew their energies when we merged and said welcome home as much as one can in a state of awe & snot. *Ok, I didn’t say it. I just became it. With the snot and awe (closely related to shock and awe, btw).
While there may not be the capacity to wrap words around the vastness of all things universal as I know them, there is no naivete. And what there is in this, this thing that is my life and the work I do, may not include belief by many. The dance of it all through every fiber of my being can’t be given a label and won’t appear to anyone in a package that makes sense. It’s not wrapped in a pretty summation, doesn’t come with a bloody manual or a way to minimize it, them or me. Its wholeness is a living, breathing expression of the foundation of all teachings related to our interactions with the universe–all of those things visible and invisible; seen and unseeable.
I, they, we. Before there was we were. And are. Here. Now.
I am not here to perpetuate myths. I am here to move humanity past them.
I am not here to be anyone’s master. We’ve had enough of those master and ‘other’ relationships.
I am not here to resemble others. I’m here to bring the heart of others to here & now.
I am not here to keep you comfortable in your complacency. I am here to inspire you to create community, to recognize actually loving is more than ‘sending love’.
I am not here to make my language pretty so you can see how open my heart is. I am here to move you.
I am not here to reinforce what you think you know. I am here to shake you to your very core, bring you into the infinite and show you how to share it.
I am neither reincarnation or reinvention. I am here to make the ancient accessible to everyone.
I am more than avatar or archetype. I am a bridge to show you what the Breath between the Breath really is and how you can be there. Always.
I am not here to bridge traditions of the past to the present. I am here to break ties to them so that they are tools that move us forward, not leashes to hold us back.
I am here to be. To be the first of me, not the last of them (thank you Hoobastank!).
To no longer hide, no try to fit into something for you. I am here to walk the path that has been paved by those who’ve walked this before me.
“I am one of a handful of people who show up every now and again all over the world who have a job to inspire, lead, heal, change, stir the complacency shit-pot, share, love, piss-off, push, encourage, & connect in service to others. This time I go by the name of Ingrid.”
I AM now.
So the kind of healing I do is the loving kind, the proctodiatry kind that helps one remove their head from their ass so they can walk their own path, the kind that says, “Let me love on you just a little bit”; the kind that cures, that awakens; the kind that inspires action, is beyond time & space, all definitions & barriers that separate you from the other.
You are worth the risk. The risk of me showing up fully and of you stepping into this awesomeness that we share.
I am now. For you. For us.
I am now.
I am not merely a healer & mystic & seer. I am a force of nature that is here to move you.
I am not spiritual. I am of spirit.
I am not naive. My message is only simple. You’ve forgotten that beyond all those words we seem to want, is the simplicity of the heart.
I don’t have an elevator speech. I have an open heart that just wants to love on you a little bit.
I am now.
We are now.
And we’re not the only one.