Seeing Self through the Lens of Fear

And what might happen if we tried something new

I have one of those friends I’ve never met.  His name is Harry.  I love Harry because he can see me, because he shares his wisdom w/ a dash of humor that is sometimes peppery.  He makes me laugh *just* when I need it.

His response to this post On Being All Grow’d up and Afraid of the dark  was ‘self-compassion’.  He’s absolutely right.

But we have this thing, this stupid human trick, that we’ve relied upon for a long, long time. We have learned how to be afraid, we teach others to be afraid–even when we’re sharing things that sound sorta wise–and it’s our go-to tool.

Two summers ago, I had an interesting exchange with an amazing young lady I adore.  I may have actually mentioned this before but it’s connected so I’m bringing up and my love for trolls (oh, bloody hell, not those!) up again.  She sent me a note on the Place of Face and shared that she was afraid.  An energy or entity kept appearing to her and it made her afraid.   The exchange went like this:

From Miss Awesomeness:  I think this and my question to you about anger/violence also is tied to an experience that i had this summer with a “dark” or malicious entity that was obviously wanting something from me. I attracted it–for sure–by dabbling in some voodoo stuff. but it brings up this near-paralyzing fear in me every so often. it’s feels so uncontrollable, and i get thrown off. i don’t know if it’s all in my head or if there’s something i need to do to protect myself. i feel unable to tap into my intuitive wisdom because of the fear. and it leaves me feeling isolated/grieving/self-hateful/at a loss of where to move. Do you have any advice for me? I’m sorry if I’m just sort of spurting out all of my thoughts/emotions!

From Yours Truly:  don’t be afraid of this other energy. Drop ‘malignant’, ‘dark’, and ‘protection’ etc from the vocabulary. If it shows up, engage with it. Ask who it is, ask why it is appearing/what it is seeking, ask if it is connected to another human energy (alive or deceased), ask these questions and, then, listen/feel the responses. And, before you engage it, get clear with yourself about why you have the response you do to it–is it ‘ugly’? Does it trigger a smell, other physical response or memory, is it a reflection of an aspect of yourself or abuser…

Miss Awesomeness:  Last night i conversed a bit with an energy. Got the response that it was there to give me something which will help me know/be myself, when I am ready. I asked myself why i was intimidated by it and felt that it was because it reminded me of my incredible power.

I’ve had dozens of similar conversations in the 18 months since the above conversation.  Dozens.  With law enforcement personnel, analysts, and therapists; yoga instructors, artists and coaches; spiritual seekers and such.   Each afraid of this thing. And we’ve trained ourselves into a certain way of thinking (not my words. Find more about them and the ballerina who says them here) and it becomes our reality, it’s all we know; the lens through which we agree with ourselves to measure the world around us.  Some therapists associate physical, mental and emotional responses to stimuli with trauma–theirs or another’s–and are afraid they’ll relive the experience now as they did then.  This dancer?  Ballet or the fear of life without it.  Footballer?  Sports or life without it.  Bureaucrat?  Um…never mind.    The point is that we “get used to” that lens, that fear, that thing we assume is outside of us or has been done unto us.

In We Don’t Need no Steenking Trolls I shared the story about a dude and his troll.   The video is longish so I’ll summarize here:  I went to visit a client in DC.  He lived in an amazing apartment across the street from the National Cathedral and I was duly impressed by what was his front yard (total aside: if you’ve not been to the Cathedral, the next time you’re in DC, you want to go).  When I asked said dude why I was there, he said something along the lines of wanting me to get rid of his troll.  Imagine, if you will, someone telling you in all honesty and earnestness that they have their own personal troll.  I’m pretty sure I gave the dude the eyebrow and a uh-huh before continuing.   The Dude shared that this energetic thing, this entity, was not just one to be satisfied with making regular appearances.  It would do things like pull his pants leg for attention.  He could describe this troll in such detail he could artistically recreate it.  He showed me a drawing the resembled the combination of a triceratops, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, and some thing else that I can’t remember or describe.   One of the first things out of my mouth was, “Have you talked to it?”

His response was a resounding no.  Mine?  Why?  Him:  Because it’s fucking ugly.  Me:  “Well, that sort of limits any kind of communication when we expect something to appear in a pleasing manner so that we’ll pay attention to it.”     I opened up the living room curtains and gave him either his binoculars or a telescope (can’t remember which he had handy) and said, “Take a look at each of the spires around that Cathedral.  What do you see?”

“Gargoyles.”

“What do Gargoyles dooooo?”

“Gargoyles are protectors.”

“Are gargoyles pretty?”

“Well, no.”

Insert the upward reaching right eyebrow here.

“So you are ignoring this very persistent energy that is trying to communicate with you because it’s not pleasing to your eye.  Something obviously has something to tell you and you refuse to say, Yo, what’s up.  If it were a child, even sort of an ugly one, you would respond. If it were an ugly dog, you’d say, “Aaawwwww…aren’t you soo cuuuute (if you click through to the video you’ll hear the Southern accent that makes this sound just so, well, appropriate)  Why are you bothering me?”  But because this energy isn’t shiny, sparkly, fairy-like or shitting glitter, you’re ignoring it.”

“I’m not here to get rid of you troll.  I’m here to show you how to engage with something that may or may not be of your own creation, may or may not be an aspect of yourself, that you can’t see past because it’s kinda ugly to you.”

Lately the ‘trolls’ people have been presenting me with energetic representations of themselves or aspects of themselves that they cannot see as such.  The see or sense a solidness that frightens them.  Their only relation to themselves is through that lens of fear–fear of trauma, fear of loss, fear of the unknown.

One of the things I find most interesting about this development is with each person I have these interactions, the notion of ‘the shadow self’ as spiritual and psychological form is a basis they use for their own work–with clients, in their own therapy, or on their spiritual path.   I’m wondering how effective this tool is or can be if, it too, is only expected to appear pleasing to the mind, or soothing to the heart & mind, or a mere idea beyond which there can be no manifestation.    What demons are really not at all?  What if they really are us or a part of us merely seeking the attention and release we believe should come otherwise packaged? What if your shadow has shown up to be alighted and released into your vision? Into your own light?

When I say to people, “Say I see you.  I love you” to their thing, their troll or their shadow, perhaps, I’m not saying ‘don’t be afraid’.  I’m saying nothing more than in your own voice, as aloud as you can allow yourself in that not-quite-paralyzed state to say “I see you. I love you.” even if you are afraid; in spite of the fear; to spite the fear if need be.  Until you can see there is nothing to fear.

Until you can see that which in front of you in the dark is always there, even in the light.  That what is in front of you, is you.  See her, love him. Listen to what you have to say to yourself in your own voice or those voices that have been trying to reach you for eons.  In seeing and loving, that is the self compassion of which Harry speaks.  And it brings, as he so elegantly shared this afternoon, “the possibility of freedom”.

Freedom comes in amazing ways.  Simple ways like  “I see you.  I love you.”

Try it now.  Try it tonight.

 

 

 

 

 

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15 thoughts on “Seeing Self through the Lens of Fear

  1. And what if you don’t resonate with the “I love you” part?
    What if you don’t resonate with saying “I love you” anymore?
    What if the words “I love you” feel worn out, automatic and shallow, devoid of any resonant/connective energy?
    What if the whole “inner child” concept makes you cringe?
    What if all those new agey concepts are done in one’s energy field?
    Is it ok to use “I am neutral about you, now leave” “I am indifferent about you, now leave” “no, thank you, I acknowledge your presence, but I have no interest in helping you or anyone else right now and maybe evermore. Would you be so kind to leave and communicate your stuff to someone more willing to pay attention to you?”

    I feel that the only thing that works is holding a space of allowance and recognition of what one is feeling as a result of perceiving.
    Being plain honest. Detaching and observing what happens if we just choose not to participate if participating is not the thing we feel like to do.

    I agree with you. Empathy (oxytocine + mirror neurons) doesn’t necessary make you a loving, caring, sweet human being.
    Sometimes you want to live in complete silence, in a desert and reduce the perceiving to the basics.
    Perceiving brings up a lot of anger for me, lately.
    Visitations, people, and all.
    They don’t trigger fear. They piss the fuck out of me. That’s the truth.

    1. Thanks for fodder for today’s post!

      Sounds like one fucking hot mess to me.

      I’m going to guess that you’re not just talking about the thing that comes through in the night and scares the shit out of you? If we are, for shits and grins, try saying, “I am neutral about you, now leave” or “I am indifferent about you, now leave” or “no, thank you, I acknowledge your presence, but I have no interest in helping you or anyone else right now and maybe evermore. Would you be so kind to leave and communicate your stuff to someone more willing to pay attention to you?” My whole point in this and the preceding post was that thing, that energy that tightens the anal sphincter so much night after night, every fiber in your being becomes one huge energetically constipated, constricted mass, is an aspect of oneself that needs to be recognized and released. If, indeed, one had the temerity to theirownfineself that they are neutral (bullshit, btw), have no interest in or about, and they is just a fucking bothersome twat, well…(insert eyebrow).

      And if you’re fucking pissed? Just be pissed, righteously pissed! I was serious about throwing a temper tantrum about the whole bloody lot of it. Do it. Curse, scream, cry, throw a solid right hook into the universe. Then be done with it. The one hot mess will only suit you for so long. 😉

      And sometimes, love, when shit comes through, flip it the middle finger and tell it to bugger off, take a number, wait in line, respect your need for taking a shit in private (those are particularly annoying).

      Then, when you’re ready, call me. Just fucking talk to me. There’s a reason that new agey and whatnot stuff is not resonating. It’s not for you. You’re long past the need of it and have no use for it nor it you. That’s the bit I’ll dive into this morning. And, if my fingers will fly fast enough, you can add a guffaw and snort to your rantings by the end of the day!

  2. Thank you, darling, but I am going through a moment of helluva piss-offness and shut down to pretty much everyone. Also done with healers, mystics and moving the energy through stuff. An year ago I had an experience of chaos related to energy work and I’m still figuring it out, especially the things moving, the unwanted night visitations, the liminal psychotic states, the having to choose between getting high on obscene amounts of tea (despite adrenal exhaustion) or depression. Just to function. So no, thank you. Either I sleep and be miserable or awake and disfunctional. It’s like the mother of all breakdowns and waiting for breakthrough. So I won’t talk to you, no matter how clear I am that you are honest to the last consequences. I won’t let anyone breath me through or tell me to breath them. I won’t let anyone touch my junk or lure me with energy laxatives, because diarrhea from the last attempt is still going.
    Not personal. You are sweet, though.

    1. Sooooo, you’ve been practicing the art of pout for close to a year? You don’t have to just choose between being high or depressed. You could choose to just not feel like shit, not feel miserable or dysfunctional. When you’re ready to not feel all fucked up, ready to be done w/ being pissed off enough to pull your new underoos on, the fix is right here. It is simple and it may not be easy but it sure isn’t like the funk you’re stuck in now. Or, it could spectacularly easy and not like the funk you’re stuck in now.

      In my estimation and, admittedly, I could be wrong (it happens), we don’t have the luxury to sit around in the shit or with the shits (meant in more ways than one) much longer. I think it’s high time folks who’ve been pissed off because this stuff really isn’t ‘all about the love’ or fairy dust or sparkly memes got over and out of themselves. You can’t just sit in the shit and just wait for the breakthrough to come. You started a process that shook you up and what you thought you were ready ain’t what you got. So what? You are fucking scared. You’re scared that you have no idea what this shit really is about. Newsflash: No one does. And when they try to sell you the especially priced packaged on the secrets of the universe, abundance and freedom, they’re full of it. You’re scared that it might always be like this. Newsflash: It will be if you continue to say in the piss-pot. It won’t be if you choose to get off said pot. You’re scared that you aren’t prepared to walk without barriers: between dimensions, between you and the solid, visible and the fucking invisibles. You’re scared to trust another person who claims some of the same shit that the fucker who got you into this hot mess did or does. You’re scared you won’t know what the fuck to do or what you’re doing. We all are. There’s no manual for this ‘thisness’. You just do as you know, truly know. And you won’t know it until start doing it. And when folks tell you you’re doing it wrong, you are spot the fuck on.

      Again, you get to choose. You can stay in it even longer (which doesn’t suit you, btw) until you begin to smell like it. Or, despite or in spite of being pissed off and afraid and not trusting fuck-all, you could reengage and finish what you started. Because, dammit, woman you started this for a reason. And whatever that reason is, the rest of the world is waiting for you to get on with it. Those of us who do this thing (in whatever fashion it evolves for each of us), who are this way, this motherfucking special are important, are necessary and are needed now. Not when we feel like it; not when it’s more convenient for us; and certainly not like everyone else. When you’re ready to quit spewing the shit, holler. For me it bloody *is* personal because I can’t do this thing alone. I bloody need all the help I can get. And you’re part of that.

  3. Because I’ve been subject of pressure like this all my childhood I’d rather spend the rest of eternity all turtled up than allow others to push me, drag me and patronize me, Ingrid. You overdo the brutal part of honesty and it doesn’t work. At least for me. Absolute tune out, turn off.
    I am not scared, just pissed and grieving.
    I am not scared of the chaos, just pissed about it. I am waiting for it to decant by itself.
    And frankly, I am SO over people who use brutal honesty as a bulldozing strategy. You. are. projecting. the. hell. out. of. yourself. here.
    I do my job, I pay my bills. And I do it in a poltergeisty environment which was not present before the forementioned energy work.
    My every particle says NO to your work or any other healer’s. Been there. Done that. Ichi go. Ichi e.
    I just asked a question, you answered, I answered your answer and that’s all.
    I was very precise in my inquiry.

    “Is it ok to use “I am neutral about you, now leave” “I am indifferent about you, now leave” “no, thank you, I acknowledge your presence, but I have no interest in helping you or anyone else right now and maybe evermore. Would you be so kind to leave and communicate your stuff to someone more willing to pay attention to you?””

    You said “yes”, then jumped directly to sell your stuff.

    I will figure it out all by myself, being my own authority.
    I don’t need your help or your indications of how to live.
    I trust the process, but I don’t trust humans.
    And after this conversation, gut says a radical NO to you.

    Thank you, anyway.

    1. Fair enough.

      BTW, I wasn’t trying to sell you. I do most of the work I do for nothing. Zippo, zilch, nada because I can fix the funk and mostly those who’ve needed it the most do have even spare change laying around. I was just saying I can fix the funk because this can be ridiculously easy and amazingly fun.

  4. Down my gut I know your work is valid and what you say is inherently the truth of your experience.
    If you were a person interested in money, you would not be homeless and figuring out your next meal. I am not stupid. I read you, follow you and respect you.
    Said this, and from my direct, very personal experience of you:

    I don’t relate selling to the concept of money, necessarily. I’ve also given work, time, love and talents for free most of my life.
    It’s the way you shoot people, Ingrid. The lack of necessary softness to allow others to relax and trust. Your jumping into assumptions. Your diagnosing people you don’t know anything about. The absence of questions such as “what exactly do you perceive that happened when this last healer moved energy for you?” or “From 0 to 10, meaning 10 disaster, what proportion of dysfunction are you experiencing?” “Do they say something to you, ask for something, express something? (I actually conversed with some of them and that was the aim of my question in first place. I just wanted to know if saying ‘no, I don’t resonate with helping you’ would make them move on towards someone who does want to help them or listen to them or go on with aimless conversation.

    The problem for me is your bluntness. Your belief that it’s the right thing to do.
    By the way, I don’t believe Universe is moral, good or bad, right or wrong. It’s energy moving. Information. It gets stuck and unstuck and in my experience, intervention from others or even my efforting was way more disturbing than just experiencing, allowing and let it all decant by itself.
    There’s no hurry. You are pushing the river. You are perceiving a hurry to “save” something or someone. You say you need help to do it and those with these so called distinctive capacities, at least it’s what I understand from your words. And there’s nothing to save, Ingrid. Everything is the same freaking energy, in harmony or disharmony.

    I grew up in a very difficult environment. My two parents, one of my brothers and myself fall in the range of what is called Asperger syndrome.
    We have sensory processing issues. And I experience blunt emotional and physical trauma in the past.
    My father coped by controlling me all the time, projecting and pushing.
    My mother was and is passive and transferred her dependency of him to me when he died.
    The only thing I long for in life (the only one, believe me) is living in a barren land, windy and close to the ocean if it’s possible, no people around. Just my cats. And lately, even cats don’t appear in the vision.
    I just de-test human beings. DE-TEST. Dread.
    I am not scared of people. I am sick and tired of them to no end. The number of times I roll eyes up and breath deeply just not to teletransport myself to the loneliest parallel reality is unbelievable. I feel like an extraterrestrial. I hate being ONE.
    I an not scared of the ‘energy activity’. When these subjects open my drawers, I turn over and try to fucking sleep.
    What I am is FED UP of others.
    Fed up to extremes.
    It’s very different from being scared.
    Fear comes from an essential fear of losing a body or be harmed or die.
    I tolerate pain better than most people, I hade near death experiences and they were fine, and I suffered major harm in the past so any of these situations would be a biggie. I was actually in remission of autoimmune disorder when this healer worked on my energy or through it or whatsoever. And it all went back overnight. With a vingeance. It took me years of discipline and work to stabilize my body. Since the healing, the vagal issue went crazy again and here we go…entropy and disaster again.

    I don’t care about what others think of me, so it’s not a problem of ego death either.
    I just need a bubble, a space. I don’t want to be touched. I don’t like skype. I don’t like telephone. I don’t even own a smartphone or similar.
    People’s slow thinking is boring. It’s very irritating to relate to people when your mind escapes the inane stupidity of the small talk.
    People are noisy.
    People are uninspiring most of the time.
    And they have no idea of how to just be with you and share a quiet space, a prudential physical space between without filling it with crappy contents.
    The energies are restless. They want something, but they don’t even know what the hell it is. So helping them is hopeless. What they seem to enjoy is occupying the space and pace in circles and open drawers like if they were the bloody ectoplasmic walking dead.

    Maybe I don’t want to converse with you, either.
    I read you because at least, you don’t feel inane and common place to me.
    But there’s this other part of you that freaks me up and shuts me down.
    Your treating adults like if we are children.
    Your smartypants stance.
    Your elephant in the China store behaviour.
    Your verbal noise and potty mouth, which is contagious. And I include me in the contagion exposure.
    Your assuming that meme is only the photo with a cute inspirational quote on it (funny, but I am an expert in memetics, long story).
    Your assuming that everyone is shovelling down this stuff unknowingly. I AM NOT. I am very aware of the whole spectrum of memetic forces put to play lately. When I said that I am fed up of new agey spiritual stuff I said it having experienced mystical and so called psychotic experiences of all kinds.

    And dear, you would be surprised of who the ‘fucker’ is.
    And maybe your jaw drops.
    And maybe you discover how easy has become for you to preach based on genuine, relevant content with very crappy communicational skills.
    What is relevant is that your message arrives. And you, as a sender, must intuit first if the person is in a state that allows the receiving.
    If you want to take my humble advice (and it is humble, It’s just another point of view and discardable): ask questions. Keep the valid intention of your energy pulses and do your best not to make the porcupines, turtles and loners of this world go into full blown resistance TO YOU and YOUR MANNERS. Get your message delivered.

    Last: the only time I went into a tantrum (it was panic and confusion, then) was when this energy work was done. Not only me, but my whole environment and even people of my family overseas experienced things like kidnapping, assault, huge losses and weird energy stuff in the following days. I went into panic-asking-mode. I tend to cope trying to understand. The healer got pissed and washed hands, disappearing.
    I didn’t even ask for the healing. I was shot with healing. I was offered the healing and as my worst flaw is a delayed NO to others (this radically changed, now I go default NO all the time), I accepted.
    Wrong move.
    The chaos is still there.
    It was not started by me. It was started by the healer.

    It all backfired.
    I still believe this person has it.
    I am not resentful.
    But I am shut down and weary and uber resistant to everything and everyone. I believe the seed of that self isolation was in me. This person set up a bonfire of NO. I very seriously doubt it can be undone. I was accused of being a brat, a child, a whining girl, and pushed against a wall in a strange ultimatum. I don’t take healing ultimatums from healing kamikazes.

    Some things changed for good since the healing, though.
    I don’t take more shit. I am no longer a nice, sweet, all caring girl.
    I dropped the trying to fix things.
    I came to an end with a clingy grieving love story.
    I am coming back to a sense of what I want.
    I know what I want and DON’T WANT.
    And I am done with any idea of spirituality.
    Fuck to it all.

    I feel no desire to help or to be part of a collective revolution.
    I am not an addict to easy. I am not complaining.
    I just want to be alone and quiet and sleep.

    Thank you.

  5. Addenda

    Maybe there’s nothing to heal.
    Maybe the awareness (minus the opinion) is enough.
    Maybe the angst, the disquietude, the unease, the creeps, the shivers, sweats, pins and needles could be perceived by the brain and nervous system as pleasure if we didn’t give a fuck about pain and pleasure.
    Maybe what is fucked up (seriously, the contagion thing is contagious, Sheeez) is the very idea that we need someone else to move energy for us.
    Maybe there’s some truth in the f* concept of transference, expecting the healer to play the part of our ideal parents, and it won’t happen. No expectation and no dependency of any kind obliges to self reliance and self responsibility (adulness). Maybe healing and growing up is coming to terms with the very subject of chronic disappointment regarding the social dance itself. Control and resistance. Love and heart break. The clumsy attempts everyone does to keep balance among others.

    I get it, Ingrid. I get the general point of yours.
    I was not expecting anything coming from the Pandora’s box healing last year. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even wanted a healing of any kind.
    It’s ironic. It felt like an invasion somehow, and I cannot blame the person because I was taken and said yes as in default mode as I say NO, fuck NO, now.
    If something was learned from this stuff is that everything works as a metaphor of our most entrenched and unreleased trauma.
    The repetitive trauma in my life is INVASION, VIOLATION, RAPE and FORCEFUL INTERVENTION of other humans.
    I want a ME-field. Not because I care about my ME at all. I just want a space that I can choose to open or close at will. I want a boundary, not porosity.
    I want some thickness in the endless fluid or jell-o of the Universe. I want a definition of the here I end, here I begin area called Me in the Morphogenic soup. I want to be very clear about it and go to war to defend it because I was denied the choice to do so and that made me a prey. And I say pray, not victim. I understand the ecologic ebb and flow that sustains both lion and gazelle.
    Accepting help is letting in. I prefer the aloneness because what I don’t trust is the confusions, the mess that take place when you open the gates so the other can walk through the threshold of your me-bubble and camp there or do their loving sorcery.

    You say you were occupied, merged, mingled (whatever) Sai Baba.
    Oh, well, baby. Was he a predator or what. Was he a fake or what. Was he a lust-o-matic fucking machine or what. Was he a fraud, a sexual abuser or what?
    And you are not him, and certainly NOT show any of his qualities.
    Clearly, behind your http://24.media.tumblr.com/02573e2036ed8e678d6d21ddea2a404e/tumblr_n1ecvtQ8kP1qdm9ewo1_500.jpg manners, there’s such a will to ease others. I see this, no matter how much you irritate the crap out of me.

    I get so lost in all this stuff. Not only the new agey, creepy Hay House stuff, which is basically a trance of stimming via-affirmation to elicit an hypnotic state. I get very lost and my comfort is in the trying to understand.
    Because understanding feels like having a bubble with boundaries I can touch.

    There’s a lot to say here.
    Green tea is making me ramble.

    I feel that feeling what I am feeling is the way to go.
    I don’t feel stuck.
    I don’t expect anything in particular from anything in particular.
    I want a private morphic space (and what we call empathy is a state of uber porosity I HATE).
    I don’t want a bubble with an open front door, an open back door or sliding doors or a revolving door so the energies can come in and then come out at their will.
    I want them OUT. And knock the door as well behaved energies. I want to peep through the eyehole and decide if I want to let them walk through the bloody tube between the front or the back door. I want the freaking right to freaking refuse admission.
    And better: I want them walk by my house without knocking my door.
    I don’t want children knocking the door for treat or trick in Halloween.
    I don’t want bible sellers, or Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses knocking to save my soul.

    I also get that having opened the door last year is confining me with the results of that crappy choice of mine.
    But at least my bubble is not porous.
    I know what walking dead are inside.

    I learn from my mistakes beautifully.
    I have to find a way to deceive them out and then keep my boundaries at gunpoint.

    Now I am done, finally.
    I feel that you can now understand where I come from, what are my true wants. Not based on fear, but on true resonance.
    Maybe what the healing did was uncover this deep desire of isolation and aloneness.
    I don’t fear people. They are exhausting.
    I just hate to relate.
    Isolation is bliss.

    Thank you, again.
    And love.

  6. I found this to be a very heart felt conversation……felt like I was sitting at a round table with you two taking it in!! There were so many feelings running thru me at the time, a big wow was my first thought. I was also seeing and understanding the differences in you both.

    Ingrid and Lillian, I believe you both had some very valid points!! That being said its those valid differences that make us who we are. Just because one individual deals with their issues totally different doesn’t make them right or wrong in this instance. Your way, her way, my way, they do not have to be the same nor does the way in-which we chose to deal with them.

    A woman operating a steamroller would have been something I would have stated in this instance for Ingrid instead of your woman with the gun (see that’s just me.) Compassion, Understanding, Respect, Space, is something we all should have for others including the invisible, but even more so for the living…..

    Lillian I’m Not a doctor but you say you have form of A.S. ….. the word Introvert comes to my mind with your deepest wish to be Totally Alone no contact with the dead or living and your other wishes. Ingrid you are the totally opposite of those things…just my thoughts….. with compassion, understanding, respect and love to you both…..Anna

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