Know ye not that ye are Gods. ~ Moses (the dude, not the dog)

Thomas Merton to Aldous Huxley during their discussion about genuine & pseudo-mysticism:

 What I would call a supernatural and mystical experience…has in it very essence some note of a direct spiritual contact of two liberties, a kind of flash or spark which ignites an intuition…plus something much more which I can only describe as “personal”, in which God I known not as an “object’ or and “Him up there” or “Him in Everything” nor as “the All” but as—the biblical expression—I AM, or simply AM…this in oth the kind of intuition that smacks of anything procurable because it is a presence of a Person and depends on the liberty of that Person.

I found the above passage when reading The Hiding Place of God: A Personal Journey into the World of Religious Visions, Holy Objects & Miracle  written in 1991 by John Cornwell.  I picked it up at the local library when I figured it’d only be polite to actually use some of their actual books while spending eight hours at a time there hogging their wifi.

This passage and learning that even Padre Pio pissed people off because he didn’t do things the way others thought he should were the only things I took away from reading the book.

I’m not really sure why I picked this title except that it’s probably got something to do with me looking for factoids and other niftiness to share with people when they ask questions of me.

I had the same thought when I recently re-read The UnCommon Touch by Tom Harpur, The Intention Experiment by Lynne McTaggert, and Mike Dooley’s latest.  It’s frustrating to find myself going back to the habit of doing things for other people—not in terms of being in service to others but in terms of trying to satisfy their ideas and ideals about how I should act, speak (that’s my next post! Oh.Boy.), clothe myself (seriously), identify or define myself, etc.  As annoying as it is, I keep going back there.

I think it’s not so much that I want to please people but that I feel I need to load up data & information to defend myself, my own ideals & my own knowing.  I keep trying to use social media as a way to create a real, honest discussion about stuff relating to healing.   Maybe I really am itching for a fight instead.  A way to say, “Listen to ME, please!!” “Hear me.  Don’t dismiss me.”  “See, Saint so-and-so/Christ/Mohammed/Granma Green did it, too!”   I don’t seem to feel quite satisfied to go about my business quietly, hoping that…hell, I don’t know what.

But let me regress six paragraphs and revisit Mr. Merton (do you call a Trappist monk Mister or Father?).  My “ecstatic” experiences are a veritable cornucopia of variety.  They occur with regularity, sometimes extend for an entire day (with an in-n-out of it quality), are sometimes visual and aromatic, almost always emotional & time-space warping, and, usually confounding (with a so-what-do-I-do-with-that-now? quality).

However, my experiences aren’t religious or “spiritual” (used loosely here) because nothing in my experience is religious or spiritual as others define it.  I still call it a Divine experience sometimes but I’m not connecting it to “something outside of me that is more powerful than me”.  I just don’t see God as other people do.  I don’t just give it another name like Source/Universe/Grid/flavor of the day term.

Are there things outside of us?  Absolutely!  Are there invisible things all around us? Yep. Powerful? Influential? You betcha! More than us?  Nope.

One response I’ve received from someone trying to argue that people couldn’t be god-like, godly, god recently was, “But we don’t create storms!”  Me: “Really?  Think about it for a bit and then get back to me.”  I was never gotten-back-to but my point was this:  We do create storms.  They may not appear as weather ‘incidents’ but our actions/inaction, beliefs, & judgments change the barometer around us and those we touch directly or indirectly.    Never mind the fact there are humans who create, move & manipulate climate-related weather all over the globe. Not a forte of mine because outside of being amused at dissolving a cloud or three, I can’t see how that is human business.  We already have interfered in a pretty heavy-duty way, methinks.

I think we’ve become so comfortable over the course of time gifting power and responsibility for life-stuff to something(s) outside of ourselves that we forget how powerful we really are.

So, uncomfortable with the idea of self-identifying with our own greatness that we will easily dismiss and denigrate one who says, “I see God in you.”  It’s all great and fine for India to sing it but that’s just a song, right?

I don’t see anyone made in the image of how they define their god or inspired by something outside of them. I see each person as the god that they see outside of themselves.

I see you as god.  You are God. You are the embodiment of all those things that you’ve connected to, associated with & assigned to that “Him up there”, the “Him in Everything”.  Within you is every iota of power, wondrousness, control, glory, beauty, destructive potential, love, mystery, holines, and, the kicker, responsibility for self and others that has been assigned to a Higher Power.

Can you imagine seeing another like that?  Try it.  Just for grins & giggles.  Today.  Really.  Start with yourself—go to the mirror when you get home and instead of being critical of the wrinkles and that stray eyebrow hair, look into your own eyes (not at your forehead as if to avoid yourself, mind you), and talk to yourself in the same way you talk to God.  Dare ya.

Does that mean that people are no longer annoying, irritating,?  Um…No. That doesn’t mean we lose our human-ness.  We just gain a different level of humanity.  It just means there is a level of respect, a conscious willing suspension of judgment, a heightened awareness that you are he, connected to him/her and others, an acceptance and love that requires no ‘practice’.  It’s effortless.

Yep, loving another, loving all others can be effortless.  Those in the “spiritual” frame of mind are famous for talking about the greatness of Source love, the exquisite Love of the Divine, infinite Love of the Universe, the I AM love from the Violet Flame, etc, etc, Uhhhh…heeeellllooooo?

What about the infinite, exquisite, greatness of human love?  The one to one human sorta love.  The love expressed between two human beings.  How ’bout you start practicing that, too.  It’s painless.  It’s fun. It’s free. It can even become comfortable!  Check out this community & share the love here if you’re moved to.  If not, start with yourself. Go back to the mirror and have a conversation with yourself.  Then with those around you.

So, YOU ARE god.  YOU ARE love. You are all the endless potentialities. You have no limits.

And I love you all the more for it!

If you could get

Rid of yourself just once,

The secret of secrets

Would open to you.

 

The face of the unknown,

Hidden beyond the Universe

Would appear on the

Mirror of your Perception.  ~ Rumi

Advertisements

I Don’t Know Jack

I really don’t know jack about some shit.  What follows, naturally, is I don’t know Jack Shit. In particular, I don’t know Jack about a good bit of this otherwise-called “spiritual” stuff.  Some folks expect me to because I’ve chosen to add  the label of “healer” & “teacher” to the alphabet string after my last name (B.A. in Liberal Arts & Sciences & M.A in Criminal Justice for those who really wanna know!).

Here’s a string o’ stuff that I neither know jack about nor have any interest in others’ stories about:

  • photon belts or Peleaidians
  • crystals or consciousness
  • intergalactic and/or crystallline stellar grids
  • 5th or 12th dimensions and 9th waves of consciousness
  • akashic records, Atlanteans, Actuarians, Ascension
  • holograms, hologames, Hathors
  • super-special frequencies & first wave stargaters
  • Elenin or elementals
  • and other bupkus, bullshit or belief systems (otherwise known as BS) that I should subscribe to and then prescribe to others because I’m, well, not something others think I am or should be
I don’t believe Lemurian crystals are waiting for a super-special race of I AM peoples to arise (anyone else note how some of this ‘Oneness’ language is not about one?) and recharge them.  I don’t believe we need special permission from aliens (or a/any God/s) to tell us we’re, well, notsospecial but they (another ubiquitous they) are.  I don’t believe one needs to pray in a particular pattern of gold to orange (or vice versa), in a particular direction (I mean, really?  You’re gonna be dissed because you look to the NorthWest rather than South and don’t speak Lakota?) or kneel/rise patterns to know love. I don’t associate dates and times with any ‘special-ness’ in the same way I don’t separate out my desk or a lovely stone as having any more meaning to me.
Here is what I do know:
I know that humans create stories.  A lot of them.  Some good reading, some not.  I also know that humans don’t like it when others of same throw a kink in the works of their creation.  Particularly  kinks that may require reconsideration of what they think they know–especially about this “stuff” folks call speerachul.  Because they knooooow, dammit!  To suggest that we-the-human-race-we decided to give a personality to the earth & sky and all the bits of those things connected to both, to a *thing* outside of us…is, well, not very well accepted.
“Well, Ingrid, it seems you’re just ignorant about _________________.”  You can fill in the blank with “the Ascension process” (12th floor, please), “Vortex Energy”, “gland activation”, consciousness, meditation, 2012, “Source Field”, Revelations, God, reincarnation, you-name-it-cabal-of-the-day, Tarot, “being ‘spiritual’ “, yadda yadda yadda…  Getting my drift?  Yep. I am ignorant and am glad to be.  Someone else (a multitude of someones, in fact) over the course of time (a very, very long time) made up some shit to help make their experiences more explainable.  For them. Period.
I get extremely frustrated when people who try to wrap their mind around me and what I can do say things like, “Oh. So, you must do X?”  No.  I don’t.  “Well, you should take person X’s words to tell people what you do.”  No. I shouldn’t.  What I do, who I am, and the power within me has no resemblance to anyone else’s truth (although there is some undeniable repetition throughout history of all things freakily me, and, oddly enough, there are a lot of us out there who kinda do what I do). Here’s the real truth: No.One.Knows.  We don’t know what “this” is, how it works, why it works sometimes and then other times doesn’t, why people (and critters) experience it differently each time, why we do, how it came to being, etc.
There are those who offer their ‘expert’ opinions on things that can’t really be explained, create pretty pictures to go with their discussions of matrices & other mumbo-jumbo so as to add validity, profess their own gospels of whatevertheheck.  No one knows.
However, here is more of what I know:
  • What others see as mystery isn’t to me.  It just is me. It’s my being, my purpose for being.
  • I’m not accessing anything outside of myself.  It is in me, of me, through me.
  • I am one.  And, as an aside, t doesn’t need a capital letter.
  • Things change for others when I turn up the volume. Awakening, cures, blah, blah.  For me, it’s all a “Well, duh…”
  • I vibrate. Really. No battery needed. When I vibrate, others do, too.
  • I don’t ‘get’ it & I’m really comfortable with that. I’m not very comfortable trying to make others comfortable with it.
  • Others don’t ‘get’ it and aren’t very comfortable with that.
  • I don’t care about the other stuff.  Really.  I just do my ‘thing’.  It’s nifty. It helps others. A lot.  It’ll be even niftier when it helps me as much as it helps them (don’t even get me started on that topic-the one repeating the notion that I should suffer to serve others?).
I experience the world in a very unique way.  I see it, taste it, touch it, feel it, breathe into and through it, hear it like no other.  When I can actually articulate in words other things I know that are me and within me, I’ll be glad to. Okay, maybe glad is the wrong word because, admittedly, I’m afraid of it my-own-damn-self!  Yup.  Afraid.  There:  I said it.  I’m afraid of the power within me.  And, fuck all, that’s gonna be another entry that would, in fact, be a follow-up to  already-posted An UnCommon Experience.  Because I had another one that I’ve not shared yet.
FB note just posted as I typed the last three sentences:
Well, well, well. You know that awkward feeling when not paying attention to something you have that “AHA” moment that, in turn, is a “D’OH!” moment about the thing you weren’t paying attention to? Yep. Just had one. I’m an idiot. A dolt, even. And, now that I’ve established that factoid, I’ve not a damn thing to do about it. Fuck all. Deets to appear later as I flesh this out. In fact, it could educational and, indeed, entertaining for all those around me!!
Well, well, well. Indeed.

What if it really is “In Between the Stories”?

Inspired by Rumi, blog posts about hate, love and god; and 24 hours steeped in connection with all that is.

In Between Stories ~ Rumi 

Did you hear that?

It’s the man who was looking for treasure.

He wants me to finish his story.

You didn’t hear him?

Then, he must be inside me yelling, “Over Here! Come over here!”

Don’t think of him as a seeker, though.

Whatever he’s looking for, he is that himself.

How can a lover be anything other than the beloved?

Every second he’s bowing to the mirror.

If he could see for just a second one molecule

of what’s there without fantasizing about it,

he’d explode.

His imagination, and he himself,

Would vanish, with all his knowledge, obliterated

into a new birth, a perfectly clear view,

A voice that says, “I am God.”

That same voice that told angels to bow to Adam,

because they were identical to him.

It’s the voice that first said,

There is no reality but God.

There is only God. 

We humans have all sorts of habits.  Some we change.  We quit smoking.  Eat healthier, walk a little more, buy orange Christmas lights rather than white.  Our taste in music changes, our groups of friends wax and wane.  There are some things, though, we tend to hold on to for dear life.  As if they are our life.  Think about the current state of religious & political affairs to catch my drift.

There is another idea, a habit that many cling to that I want to ask about here.  Similar habits framed in a slightly different fashion, methinks. We seem to cling to the notion that there is something outside us that guides, chides, tests, taunts, aids, destroys, makes and takes.  We seem comfortable at some level, too, with using words like co-creator; phrases like Divinely-inspired. We’ll accept messages from aliens, atlanteans, metatron and michael but seem hard-pressed to consider that we are creator, we are inspired, we are our own messengers.

And, so I ask the following:

What if there is no other great orchestrator or observer?  What if there is no oversoul, higher guardian, a higher level of Godliness, an ascension to something, somewhere else? No intergalactic collective of whatever that we need to ask permission of?  Nothing or no one outside of us?

What if there is no one thing greater than each individual one of us?

What if we really hold onto the ideas and likenesses Christ, Mohammed, Abraham,  and other prophets because they chose to act as if they were God and we think we can’t or shouldn’t?

What if we really have all that power and grace?  What if we are that power and grace?

What if

We.  Are. God. ?

What if you are not an embodiment of something outside yourself?  What if you are not made in the image of something greater than you?

What if you knew you needn’t be saved or rescued?  What if you are that greatness you’ve imagined outside yourself?

What if, to know yourself & see yourself as god only took one breath? One thought? One experience?  Would you breathe and see?

Would you be able to look in the mirror and know? Would you be willing to know?

You. Are. God?

What if you saw in the mirror not just your face but all the grace, glory, peace, kindness, mercy, ferocity, love, compassion, strength, courage, and wisdom within you and all those you touch? And, those you will never know?

What if that one small thought led you to know every. single. living. thing as god as well?  Same as you but different?

Would you see your neighbor, lover, child;  prisoner, pensioner, plumber, trash collector, welfare recipient, jihadi, dog catcher and fighter as god?  Could you do that?  Could you hold them in the same regard as you do your heroes and other holy ones?  Excited for their life’s opportunities—the same as your own?

Would you do that?  Would you be willing to take that great leap in your own life to know yourself?

As. God.

Are you afraid of the greatness?  Of the responsibility for yourself? Others?  Are we afraid of that?  Are we afraid that it’s really not unknown to us?  That there is no real mystery or magic to it? That it’s really that simple?

What if we didn’t have to wait for anything?  What if each of us were already worthy and ready? Just as we are…

God.

What if it took nothing else but to just Know?

What if we really are the bees knees, all that and a bag of chips?  What if we are just singularly pretty freakin’ awesome human beings?  What if we all knew that and lived as such, recognizing that divinity in each other and every single thing?

Spiritual Naivety?

There are those who think of me as ‘merely’ naive when it comes to things of spirit.  Here, I ask they consider their own limitation of expression that appears bound by others’ ideas & ideals. The string of logic posed by quite a few is that I’ve not studied spiritualism, metaphysics, any aspect of any religion, and not living/speaking/healing/BE-ing within the bounds of someone else’s playbook.   I’ve not sought out sages or saddhus, not read from mystics and mages, not worshiped at or made an altar,  I’ve not done enough things or read enough of stuff  to know of what I speak and certainly not enough to know Truth–neither my own nor that that is Universal.

So what if I get my inspiration from Dean Koontz as much as I do Rumi?  So what that I don’t have Lama so-and-sos books as reference guides?  So what that I picked up all those books you have on your shelves, read a few pages or chapters and said, “Nope. That’s not it.” So what that I can say I don’t know?  I don’t care to know.  I have no need or desire to understand.   I don’t need to read someone else version of how my life should/might/could be.   So what that I can say I Know more than has ever been forgotten of that for which there are no words to be written in a book?  So what that I don’t assign any more significance to a crystal than I do the chair that supports my ass, the friends that feed my hunger, or the wind that tousles my hair?

So what that I don’t give a crap about past lives, Akashic records, 2012, 11/11/11 or future-&-fortune telling?  So what that I’m not afraid of and cannot explain how or why I go formless; how or why I can feel more heartbeats than my own; how or why my vibrations intensify sometimes so that furniture and the air move around me? I just not afraid and just don’t care.

Why does it bother anyone that I can say with certainty that I am enlightened?  Why? Why does it bother you so that I don’t couch any of this in terms of ‘spiritual’ but consider it merely living.  Not a separate part of me or anyone/thing in the Universe?

With some frequency, I say to as many people as I can, “Forget what you think you know.”  That bugs a lot of folks.  Annoys, confuses, angers and frightens.  There is always one or a few someones who believe they know everything. Can recite left, right, upside down and backwards biblical & kabbahlistic texts, A Course in Miracles, Eckhart Tolle’s latest; carry around with them photos of their gurus, pocket angel cards, and other accoutrement; wear their crystals and white; repeat “peace and light”, and still live in a state of unawareness.  Unaware, unopen to change or other avenues of experience and expression.

Generally speaking, when I ask folks to forget what they think they know, I’m not trying to challenge the ideas they hold (although, sometimes, for grins & giggles that is my entire point).  We connect to and engage with those things that resonate with us, interest us and excite us.  I get that. I want, though, to push people past their limitations.  I want to push people past the ideas & attitudes of others that they hold so dear, onto so tightly that they cannot see their own.  There are a lot of people saying the same thing and slightly different versions of the same thing for a reason. I don’t know what it is and don’t care to.  What I do know and care about is people remaining comfortable and complacent in the ‘same thing’ in the same manner we, as humans, have done over the course of our existence.  The ‘same thing’ that leads to dogma, doctrination, discrimination of the negative sort without the discrimination of the discerning sort.

I have the unique ability to see in ways others cannot. Or, more pointedly, in ways others choose not to.  I can see through the veils, the stories, the fears, the mirrors, the cloaks, the stuff-n-stuff that holds people back from their potential. I see the essence.  It has nothing to do with form, fashion, or finessing of words. When I can see it clearly and they cannot fathom because of those limitations, I, quite frankly, get annoyed.  Because of this stuff is so ridiculously simple. Because if you can’t actually practice it, why do you preach it, and hold onto it–that thing–so hard that ?

Let go. Open yourself up. Entirely.  It’s not enough to say, “I’ve got an open heart” when the rest of you is shut down and shut out of the simplicity of the mystery of the Universe.  You don’t need to ‘figure it out’.  There is nothing that needs fixing. Nothing that needs to be rescued or saved.  Sure, tools are good.  As are crutches.  However, when you allow your tool to become the crutch for too long, you forget how to walk on your own!

Breathe. Be. Know.  Know thyself and be true.  And live fully, openly.

This Morning Say I AM You

When I woke up this morning, I felt my body pulsing in a manner not entirely my own.  It’s not an unusual thing for me.  I always know I’m connected to you, he, she, that thing both within and without that connects us all.  It’s not unusual for me to feel another’s heartbeat alongside mine, feel another’s pain in my own body, know another’s joy in some quiet moments.  Today, though, the rythmn that moved in and around me developed a special meaning that I could not divine or define.   And so I went looking for the perfect way to describe it.  I found this:

I am dust particles in sunlight.

I am the round sun.

To the bits of dust I say, “Stay.”

To the sun, “Keep moving.”

I am the morning mist,

and the breathing of evening.

I am wind in the top of a grove,

and surf on the cliff.

Mast, rudder, helmsman, and keel,

I am also the coral reef they founder on.

I am tree with a trained parrot in its branches.
Silence, thought & voice.

The musical air coming through a flute,

a spark of a stone, a flickering

in metal. Both candle and the moth crazy around it.

Rose, and the nightingale lost in the fragrance.

I am all orders of being, the circling galaxy,

the evolutionary intelligence, the lift,

and the falling away.  What is and what isn’t.

You who know Jelaludin, Yout the one in all, say who

I AM.

Say I am You.

~ Rumi

And, so I breathe for me and Thee.  With grace, gratitude, and the unwavering torch of  the Spark of Life.

On being childlike

This post is inspired by two events last week.  The first involved a session with a new client; the second, a reminder from Panache Desai to play like a five-year old.

On Saturday, a new client came to see me for a number of reasons–some shared, some not.  He happens to be an older gentleman, who during the session fully admitted he didn’t want to grow up (although wanted some adult action!)  and, in fact, had a temper tantrum while on the table.

Also on Saturday, Panache put it out there play and enjoy the day. Responses to Panache’s Facebook call to play in a child-like way ranged from the creation of mud pies to brilliant artistry.  Funny reads, inspiring art, and a reminder to me.   Not so much to play in the sense of, well, playing like a child.  But more of what being child-like means (or can mean).  Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m all about mashed potato mountains, Tonkas, Tinker Toys, Centipede, air guitar, Twister, and Barbie’s head on GI Joe’s bod (What? You never did that?).

I think we forget, though, that the most amazing bits of being a child are never lost or even grown out of (we just play differently as adults, don’t we?  Tequila and Twister, anyone? Trade in your Tonka for a Yota yet?).  We just forget how to see as a child sees. Seeing the wondrous nature of the world and people around us:

  • without judgement
  • with an openness not veiled by fear
  • knowing the care and responsibility we share for others
  • with awe
  • with curiosity
  • with gladness and grace
  • with a grin

Reliance on particular aspects of “child”, those that resemble deluded clutching in otherwise grown folks,  hold us back by keeping us afraid.  “I want, I Want, I WANT, I WAAAANT” is one in particular. Think the kid in the grocery store with the embarrassed parent.  We’ve all seen it.  Would you do that now?  Another is the, “No. No. NO. NOOOOOO!!! You can’t have it (or her or him!)!” Imagine me not giving my brother back his Tonka truck with the Barbie-headed GI Joe! We think they work for us.  We think that if we wear down another person or the Universe by saying “I want”, we’re getting our way.  We’re really getting in our way.  When we don’t want to share it/her/him as an adult, we shut ourselves off to everybody–including ourSelf and the thing/person we’re trying to cling onto.

So, yes, Breathe and Be child-like but in the way of seeing the wonder of the world with freshness, curiosity, grace and a big, fat, Cheshire-cat grin!

Finding my voice

Simplicity seems to baffles many folks. Because we want to understaaand stuff.  The hows of stuff.  The whys of stuff.  How does it fit with what I think I already know?  Which box of life-data do I put this information in so that it makes sense to me?

This concept has become stronger over the course of the past few weeks as I moved through a strain of viral yuck.  As I recovered, I moved from literally losing my voice (sounding far too much like a toad for my liking) to figuratively finding it.  I learned that I’ve been speaking not to stand out and be heard, but to merely fit in–a habit that I’ve spent a lifetime repeating, apparently.  Talk about a “D’OH!” moment.

This realization came to me when I was reading a Washington Post Magazine article while waiting for a plane to take me to Denver.  The realization pushed me further when I was asked by a new friend in Denver how to explain to others what I do so that they understand.  I forced myself to say what I’ve thought of saying before but didn’t.  Usually I try to couch things in a way that people feel comfortable with–using ‘spiritual’ language or metaphysical terms or religious iconography.  This time, I just said, “I breathe.”  Eyebrow raised in response, OnePaw waited for further explanation.  Then, I found myself back in the same pattern–trying to use words that just don’t work to describe what I do, trying to make someone else more comfortable with their ‘unknown’.  I suppose sitting at a bar, drinking a beer (or three) with a woman who claims to ‘just breathe’ and heal others maybe is just a little on the ‘unknown’ side of things, though.  Who knows?

Here’s what I do know.  I breathe. That’s it.

It just so happens that when I breathe, the essence of all that is, God, the Universe, the Ground of Being, Source, whatever the Flavor of the Day is, moves through me and, in turn, moves through others.  And lives change, people.  That’s it. It’s magic is in its simplicity.

From now on you won’t hear me mimicking the voice of others so that yet others feel comfortable or can stay in their bubble box of life-stuff.

What you will hear is my truth grounded in experience and the universal truth moves through me and sometimes manifests in words.  It does just so happen that my Voice–the truth within and without–is shared by many. It has been over the course of human existence.  However, it is heard by few and understood by less.  Only sometimes, though.

Because God’s unwieldly love cannot be contained in words you want or think you need to hear.  When the vastness of God meets the restriction of our own humanity, words cannot hold it.  The best we can do is find the moments that rhyme with the experience of His/Her/Our love.

Father Boyle of Homeboy fame has asked …”Who can explain this moment, when the utter fullness of God rushes in on you–when you completely know the One in whom ‘you move and live and have your being’?”

When I breathe, that’s what happens.  That’s it.

It’s how I live, how I move through daily life–fully conscious of my connection to all that is, to everyone.  It feel it at every fiber, at all times.  It and I may not make much sense to others.  But, for me, it’s the only thing that makes sense. It fits in no box & can’t be contained in words.  It is, however,  an experience that I want to share with everyone.