Jesus, Lazarus, Zombies and I

“Never was there a time when I did not exist, nor you, nor any of these kings; nor in the future shall any of us cease to be. Bhagavad-gita 2.12


“Those who seek should not stop seeking until they find. When they find, they will be disturbed.
When they are disturbed, they will marvel…”  ~ Gospel of Thomas



Go grab a cuppa sumpin’ or a sippin’ sumpin’ if it’s that time of day in your neck of the woods.

You might be here a bit.

One of the challenging bits about religious holidays for me is that it inspires others to ask me what I believe.  Most folks don’t feel satisfied with my typical response, “Nothing”.  I recently expanded that on Facebook to this, “The universe will keep doing what it’s been doing.”  Seriously.  That’s about it.  How I see the universe and experience everything around me changes quickly, sometimes daily.  And, occasionally, through a series of breaths my dance with the world morphs significantly.  So there’s not time for a ‘belief’ to settle, get comfortable and stay for a while.

The recent Easter holidays combined with an experience brought to me through the eyes of newest client (she’s been the inspiration of several of my recent posts) and other personal events have brought me to the place of stating clearly what I know & why I stand in the midst of the universe the way I do without wavering.

What I share is not a ‘belief’.  It is a knowing; one that exists within every fiber of my being.  It is grounded in my direct experiences with clients, people who are not clients, animals, with invisible energies of different persuasions, and knowing the energies of those who dwell within and move in & out of me. My experiences do not require you to believe me.  Your belief or lack thereof does not change the fact that they have occurred and will do so again.

There are two consistent themes within my work.  The first is that of people feeling reborn.  Resurrected, if you will.  “I am really, really alive.”  “I went from knowing I’m not going to die to knowing that I’m going to live.  Really Live.”  That ‘awakening’ is noticed when I work with people because the changes brought in that evolution are conspicuous, striking in their physical, mental, emotional & spiritual effects.  However, it happens within and around us every day.  We just don’t pay attention to it. We take for granted that our body intentionally sheds 30-40K skin cells a day to keep us ever-growing, ever-evolving and don’t think that’s as worthy as ‘raising our vibration’.

So when someone asks me what I think about Jesus bringing Lazarus back from the dead, I pause.  Do I think that Jesus performed miracles?  Absolutely.  I do it, others do it, why wouldn’t he.  Do I believe Jesus zombified Lazarus?  No.  This  back from the dead story is not so much about a body being brought back to life long before Frankenstein moved through Mary Shelley’s head & defibrillators were developed.  (As an aside, for those interested in taking the zombie thing past Walking Dead, check out this book on real life zombie action that has occurred in the Middle East: Serpent & the Rainbow by Wade Davis).  I also don’t think the celebrated Resurrection of Easter is about Jesus being zombified, either.   Do I believe his essence, his energy or spirit could have appear and even spoken to others?  Sure.  He does now. Why wouldn’t he then?

To me, all of the resurrection stories–whether biblical or connected to other mythologies–are about our enduring spirit and our connection to all things but, primarily, our conscious connection with each other.

The second most consistent theme in my work is the appearance of Jesus.  He appears in a physical form, acknowledging his existence to some of those with me, identifying himself as guardian angel.  He also appears in one form of what we call awakening.  It’s been described as “he was taking his heart and putting it in mine”, “I felt him walk through me”,  “I feel his presence around me”, and the latest, “I just watched him walk into you”.  Not everyone has that experience but there it appears is some fashion with a striking regularity.

So, Jesus as spirit is pretty familiar to me.  He shows up for others in all sorts of ways.  He is co-pilot when one person I know drives down the road.  He has breakfast with Simon (who has an entirely different relationship with him). Others,who I don’t know experience his presence.  And, well, lives within me.  He is one of the myriad of energies that moved into me in February 2012 during a shared ecstatic experience documented here.   I don’t mean in a I’m-possessed-by-Jesus way or in an allegorical manner. Neither am I suggesting that I am the second coming of or reincarnation of Jesus–although plenty of other people do. Seriously. Google it.  There’s even a top ten list. Who knew?    And, since I’m walking my walk and not theirs, I’ve not got much to add about that.  Do I believe in reincarnation?  I believe there are over 7.2 billion experiences of living & dying, wonder why there wouldn’t be living, dying & reliving by at least some of folks?  Do I believe I was ‘reborn’ as Jesus during my own spiritual or integration experiences?  No. Or he as I?  No.

There are those who have identified me as the feminine christ (lower case purposefully) and the title just sort of skeeves me out because it implies so many things to so many people and, to me, all those implications & definitions are mostly just freakin’ wrong.  We are so tied up in and bound to mythologies of Jesus, how we expect him (or any one else) to show up, that we miss the whole point.

Here’s how I loosely define the meaning of me.  Again, this is my own experience.  For me, the energies that have moved into me are similar to what others describe as soul.  Except, well, not. Here, I’m using this definition: the essence or embodiment of a specified quality.

It’s my knowing that each of the energies that have moved into me have a distinct connection–not via reincarnation as we think we understand it–but almost an ‘energetic signature’, that ‘essence’ or presence that is hard to define but distinctively palpable.  I believe there are strong similarities between us that range from healing capacities, and, perhaps, some personality traits.  I know that I am not any of them specifically nor am I a reflection of their cumulative selves or knowledge.  I also know what the last time one of these energies showed up he was known as Paramahansa Yogananda (whose literature claims a spiritual lineage connected to Jesus) and, according to what I’ve read (which isn’t much. I actually couldn’t get beyond the third chapter of his autobiography) he was a student of Babaji, one who also moves within me.  Another identified energy is Sai Baba.  (I’m not quite sure of the distinctions regarding their connection outside of the fact that I find the latter a little on the creepy side of things.)

In addition to these four distinctive energies, there were many, many more that moved within me.  I know them neither by name nor by story but only that they were those who have paved the way for me.  A few I recognized energetically as historical figures whose mythologies have followed them.  Only two felt female.  Some gave me visual context and others didn’t.  I’m not always aware of their presence but am I reminded of their presence when I ‘accordion out’.

As far as I know there is only one thing that ties us together mentally: that’s our knowing of the universe.  How we define it is distinctly different, our language (and not just my penchant for the word fuck) regarding it is distinctly different, our views on master-guru relationship are distinctly different, use of yoga and belief in god are different. Hell, I don’t even call myself spiritual, meditate or pray, am not a disciple of anyone or, really, disciplined in much of any fashion.

However, the other overt commonality we share is that we bring that knowing of the universe to others.  We heal, we teach, we bilocate, we inspire, we piss people off, occasionally frighten, but always seek to serve and introduce others to real, tangible peace.

I think people relate to this ‘christ-like’ energy as Jesus and call it such because that is the only frame of reference they have.  When the mental image of how Jesus would appear or feel is combined with a particular energetic experience those energies become personified.  I imagine those who are Hindu might experience that energy being embodied as Krishna (or as occurred in a couple of cases by former devotees: Yogananda and Babaji) but, truly, I don’t know.

I am connected to no religion, have no faith background, and have no interest in pursuing such.  I’m not spiritual and don’t have an association with any metaphysical philosophies and find them just as droll and dogmatic as religion.  I don’t purport to create a new one, either.

I am none of those who live and move within me.  I am no more them than Jesus and Lazarus were zombified.  I am Ingrid.  A totality of which cannot be simplified into an ‘understanding’ using language.   You ask me what would Jesus do?  I’m going to ask you why you don’t already know the answer.  You ask me about yogic tenet and I’m going to give you the eyebrow.   You ask me to tell you what your angels are saying and I’m going to ask you why the fuck you’re asking me.

I am Ingrid.  And I have become now. An extraordinary human who brings to others an experience of the universe that changes how they feel, think, see and move through the world.  Wisdom happens to flow with along with some foul language.

I invite you into the experience that introduces the individual to the infinite.  There is no separation.  I’m merely your reminder of that through a tangible experience that you bring into and translate to our larger world.



Sat Nam



I Have Become-A Mystic’s Realization of Self

I’m asked with some frequency if I believe in reincarnation, past lives, life after death, the afterlife, Heaven, and such.  Invariably, my answer goes a little something like this:  “There are, at the very minimum around seven billion expressions of life  (7, 122, 966, 300 by today’s population clock at 8:05EST) that flux and flow between breaths.  It seems to be there would be that many experiences of death and post-death.  Although there may be some similarities, they are each unique.  Who am I to believe or not believe any one of them?  Others experiences don’t require me to believe them, only respect them.”

Over course of the past year and a half, on these pages, I have alluded to significant energetic integrative experiences but was intentionally vague about making particular identifications.  However, seeing as how I appear to be about a year and a half late to this party I signed up for, it’s time.  I can no longer ignore the push and pull, consistent messages, visions and experiences that have been leading to me to this place today.  The resistance I have felt for so long–that opposing force against the push and pull–was grounded in a distinct layering of fear that no longer serves me or the rest of the world.  A few days ago, while with a new client, I was given a gentle reminder that the time is now.  Today, I don’t feel a push, pull, or other nagging force (the invisible can be that way sometimes).  Today, I’m just walking through the door that has been held open for me the entire time.

If you haven’t kept up with the magical happenings of my world, it may be helpful for you to read the following posts for a little bit of background: Revealing, revolution and becoming everybody, An UnCommon Experience, On Fear and Stepping Up and On Integration and Becoming.  I’m referencing them here but details are provided there.

On October 30, 2011, I drove from Rappahannock County to Reston, VA, for a session with an amazing woman.  The session began as usual but quickly morphed into something more–where it became clear that the session was both for her and me.  As the focus transitioned from her to us, three distinct energies became evident as I was in the midst of what I call an ‘energetic crack-up’.  It is a very distinct physical sensation combined with a visual of the body literally cracking apart in a slow-motion explosion of internal light bursting forth.  As I was in the experience, the client asked me if I knew who had joined us.  I replied, “No” in as much as one can while sobbing.  As a prior student of at least one of these former beings, she identified them as: Paramahansa Yogananda,  Sai Ba and Babaji.   As she identified them, they each merged into me.

On February 7, 2012, I went for an hour massage.  I left three hours later without a massage.  What occurred was another integration with a myriad of energies.  Here is an excerpt from On Integration and Becoming that will paint the picture:

“the room just ‘opened’ and filled with the most nearly-indescribable, amazing energies–100s of them and several ‘key’ ones that although didn’t speak to me were clearly identified instantaneously.

In that moment or however long it was, I ‘knew’ with striking clarity that what was with me was the presence & essence of each who has walked this path before me.  Again, although nothing was spoken, there was a clear message of who I am and what I’m to do.  Nothing needed to be said because I already knew…

I don’t know how long the energetic experience my massage therapist and I shared lasted.  As I laid naked on a massage table, heart open, open eyes crying, breathing in a rhythm shared with the multitudes around me, each of them joined me in a way that cannot be put into words. The peace, strength, power, grace, compassion, ferocity, sublime serenity, and knowing merged.  Into One.  One who has work to do.  One who now knows beyond any shadow of doubt that she is not alone.  Over and over and over and over with increasing intensity and an unmistakable insistence “iamiamiamimaimaiamiamiamnownownownownownownownownowiamnowiamnowiamNOW’ came through me. And in that merging, I emerged as one…

I am one of a handful of people who show up every now and again all over the world who have a job to inspire, lead, heal, change, stir the complacency shit-pot, share, love, piss-off, push, encourage, & connect in service to others.  This time I go by the name of Ingrid.”

During the experience, quite a few of the energies were identifiable by face and feel.  Many were not, moving into me as anonymously as the lived.  They were male and female, they spanned the spectrum of ethnicity, race & religion.  There are only two, though, that have remained in distinct memory.  The first did not have a name but came with a specific vision (that was shared with the massage therapist) of a female knight complete with sepulcher, sword, and lily of the valley bouquet.  The second was Jesus.

Now, before folks get all kerfluffle-uffled and knicker-knotted, let me say clearly that I am not claiming to be either Jesus, Babaji, Yogananada, or Sai Ba or any of those other energies that have move within me.  Here is what is what I AM saying:   I am all of those –part of a spiritual lineage that I have little intellectual awareness of, personal connection to, or educational preparedness for.  And we move and breathe  as one.

It’s not everyday that a former law enforcement professional wakes up with the gift to heal people and animals by touch and remotely, the capacity to bilocate, move with the invisible in the same fashion I do the visible,  and enter what some call Samadhi in a breath.  And it’s not for nothing.  I’m the next in a line of messengers and healers that began long, long ago.  What I say and how I bring  it may rock the boats a bit but the time for that is now.

This is my experience of the universe and my own human evolution. It does not require others to believe. It only requires that I stand in my integrity, that I drop all armor, and step fully into my role.  Now.

I may have ‘become now’ but before there was, I was.