“What if no one wants you or thinks they need you?”

I got a question related to the upcoming Traveling Light healing tour that sorta floored me: “What if no one wants you or thinks they need you?” Not a snarky, burst the bubble kind of question but a real one that requires some reflection because, well, that notion hadn’t crossed my mind.

It’s like a smack upside the back of the head, ain’t it.  Fuck.   And, really, what if? Holy shitballs.

And, it’s one I need to answer. For myself. What if, indeed?

Nothing like an honest question to make you get honest with yourself, eh?

A few days before Christmas I posted here in Traveling Light about the upcoming magical mystery tour a la Oliphant; a road trip across the country (and, possibly, the continent) to bring my unique healing gift to those who desire or need it.   Seemed like a no-brainer at the time.  I don’t have the responsibility of paying rent or maintaining property and I’ve spent, in my mind, too much time waiting for people to find me.  They do but not with the frequency that keeps me engaged in my magic in the way I need to be or the way that sustains living comfortably.  My logic, or lack thereof depending on one’s perspective, is that the best way to know myself is to know others.  To join my experience of living with theirs, where ever they may be.

I fully admit this exercise is not one that is entirely altruistic.  I’m looking for a place to call home and there’s only one way to find it; to go see what’s what other places than here where affordable housing is in short supply.  I also want to feel useful.  I don’t feel useful where I an.  My services aren’t used here in the way they need to be so, seems to me I should go to where they are.  It’s a crappy feeling to know that, when all you want is to be of service, your services aren’t wanted.

Which brings us right back to yesterday’s question.  What if I put me, my one bag, and Tater (she’s my Mini!) on the open highway and I’m not wanted even then?  

That will fucking suck.    I’m just as human as everyone else.  I want to be of service and I want, well, to be wanted, necessary, validated & supported.

So here’s what will happen: I will again question my role here on this blue marble, cry and curse (a lot of both) be hungry and wonder how I’m going to fill the tank.   I will face my issues of rejection and abandonment (oh, yes. I, too, have those. Remember that human thing).  I will wonder what I’m doing wrong, if I’ll ever get it ‘right’, why I was given this healing gift, if I should sell out, yadda yadda…

Then, I’ll drive. I’ll just keep going. Left turn, right turn. And I’ll end up in the next place I’m meant to be, even if I’m merely brought full circle.

Because I was born for this and this is meant to be.

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Visions of Suga…Shelton…Connecticut?

About six weeks ago, I had a vision.  In it, I was driving through some burb somewhere, sort of slowly but not slow enough to actually come to a stop.  As I cruised through an intersection the sign on a pole said what I thought was “Trapp _____ Road”. Slowly motoring past the sign I said to my invisible passenger in the car, “Hey, I think that’s the way.”

Sure enough, drove past it (because apparently I drive in my visions the same way I drive in reality) and ended up at a dead end at big water. Then, I said to the passenger who had entirely disappeared, “Fuck. Yep, that’s the right way”. And, then passenger showed up to hold my hand in reality as if to say, “Well, let’s go!”. So at 0400, I turned on the computer, opened Google maps and started investigating. At first I thought I was going to Gardiner, NY.  That made logical sense but didn’t feel right. So I did something a little wacky and practiced some patience while asking for clarity.  And guess what popped up?   Yes, indeed. Trapp Falls Road (where I needed to turn left) and big water (large reservoir) in Shelton, CT.

Since the vision, all sorts of people have been popping up between Shelton, New London, Gales Ferry & Hebron like little flares so I’m not sure if this is location specific or is about something more broad but there’s only one way to find out.

So, off to Shelton, Connecticut I go.  A tank of gas, one soon-to-overstuffed bag, $14 and a couple of places to stay.  I’ve no idea why I’m going where I’m going but I figure it can’t be any worse than the April I spent in the UK.

Here goes sumpin’, kids!

If you’re in Connecticut, give me a shout and let’s connect!  Get it?  Connect?  Connecticut?

Life is Beautiful in the Springtime Giddiness!

It’s been a while since I’ve sent out some Sunday lovin’.  I thought I’d sit with a little sunshine and watch the Spring Giddiness unfold and share some of it with you today! 

There have been all sorts of adventures in my strange and unusual world. The Texas trip was certainly an instructive one. My ‘what not to do again’ list is as short as my ‘do it again this way’ list.   I met some amazing people and am tickled that I’ve been invited back to Austin (w/ an added stop in Houston by request!).  The original thought was to go back at the end of April but travel plans to the UK are morphing as I type and I may not make it until mid-May.   In fact, I’ve no idea how the UK trip is going to come together. I’m just moving forward as if it will!!  This could bite me in the butt or it could be brilliant!  There’s only one way to find out.  The Indiegogo fundraising campaign covered almost all expenses related to Texas but it wasn’t as successful as I’d have liked in terms of covering travel and advertising in the UK. 

I will be doing another campaign to help fund the October/November trip to Uganda and the notso-Democratic Republic of the Congo.  Expenses will include transportation and bribe monies to help me move through both countries w/ ease (a relative term there).  Although partnerships have not been solidified yet, I’ve made initial contact with Invisible Children, the Enough Project, Friends of the Congo, Doctors w/o Borders. 

I’ll be spending three weeks in Oregon (with probably a stop in south Washington) in June, a week at the Southeast Unitarian Universalist Summer Institute in Radford, VA, and I’ve submitted an application to provide daily workshops at Floyd Fest in mid-July. 

About a week ago I was contacted by someone who runs an online radio show (regularly scheduled programs and a tele-seminar series) and asked to participate.  I’ve not decided if that is a route I’m going to take.  Although I need exposure, the format of some of these shows skeeves me out–it often feels like a new evangelism being shilled at the expense of more important things. I’m struggling with maintaining things like my own integrity & truth in the midst of the bandwagon-ish herd.  If I can find a way to combine the two, then BRILLIANT!  If not, well…

I’m excited about how the year is unfolding for each of us!  I hope you and yours are healthy & happy!

Many, many thanks for your continued support!

I love you and hope to see you soon! 

Spring Giddiness

 Today, like every other day, we wake up empty
 and frightened. Don't open the door to the study
 and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.
 Let the beauty we love be what we do.
 There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

 The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
 Don't go back to sleep.
 You must ask for what you really want.
 Don't go back to sleep.
 People are going back and forth across the doorsill
 where the two worlds touch.
 The door is round and open.
 Don't go back to sleep.

 I would love to kiss you.
 The price of kissing is your life.
 Now my loving is running toward my life shouting,
 What a bargain, let's buy it.

 Daylight, full of small dancing particles
 and the one great turning, our souls
 are dancing with you, without feet, they dance.
 Can you see them when I whisper in your ear?

 All day and night, music,
 a quiet, bright
 reedsong. If it
 fades, we fade.

And, I’ll leave you with a litttle Keb Mo’ Life Is Beautiful:  http://youtu.be/OI_GNu8jaSA

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